


The Heaven Dean Deserves

by CatWhiskers325



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 22:41:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29303640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatWhiskers325/pseuds/CatWhiskers325
Summary: After saving the world from Chuck,  Dean is killed on a vampire hunt.  Heaven will give him anything he desires, if he can figure that out.Plot and Smut
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester
Kudos: 3





	The Heaven Dean Deserves

**Deans Enters Heaven**

Dean was in heaven. He was dead. A vampire hunt and a sharp piece of rebar had ended his hunting career, ending his life. Forty one years old, longer than a lot of hunters ever got.

Then it hit him. He was not traveling down a path reliving Dean Winchester's greatest hits. This was not a memory. This was new.

He had died so many times but he never had Bobby, his universe's Bobby, waiting for him. Bobby was talking to him. Bobby was calling him an idjit. 

Dean was overwhelmed, not really listening. He knew he told Sam to let him go. He had meant it. He had been so tired. How many apocalypses could a man live through? After all, what did he really have on Earth anymore? Yes, there was Sam. But Sam had a chance at a normal life, more important Sam wanted a normal life. That was only possible if Dean was out of the picture. Dean knew this, he had always known it. Ever since he went to Stamford and pulled his brother back into the hunter life he never wanted. 

Dean never saw a way out, no happy ending.

Bobby was still explaining heaven. He could hear the timber of his voice but was not really paying attention. Dean had a beer in his hand. It was cold. He could feel the condensation dripping down the bottle. He could feel the metal of the old chair he was sitting on. He recognized the porch. It was Harvelle's Roadhouse. The bar that Ellen and Jo owned. The bar that the demons burned down killing everyone inside. He had loved that place. He closed his eyes. He could smell stale cigarettes smoke and alcohol infused sweat.

Bobby was now explaining the changes that Jack and Cas made to heaven. Wait Cas? He looked at Bobby. Bobby gave Dean a small smile of acknowledgment. Yes, Cas. Jack and Cas had rebuilt heaven. A heaven that Bobby said Dean deserved. Dean was not sure about that. Not sure what he deserved.

Dean looked around as Bobby continued to explain this whole new heaven.

“It is almost perfect,” Dean sighed.

“He'll be along” replied Bobby, unsure if Dean meant Sam or Cas. The answer applied to both anyway.

“Time up here, it's . . .it's different. You've got everything you could ever want or need or dream. So I guess the question is, what are you going to do now Dean?”

Dean thought about it. What he needed was time and space to think. On earth he always did his best thinking while driving around in Baby, his 1967 Impala. He looked up and was surprised to now see the Impala parked in the Roadhouse's dirt parking lot. He laughed, looked at Bobby and said “I think I will go for a drive.”

“Have fun.” Bobby said and Dean walked up to his car. He stroked the black metal before pulling open the door and seating himself behind the steering wheel.

He turned the ignition and the engine purred. Dust was kicked up as he started down the road obscuring the view of the smiling Bobby.

“Idjit” Bobby said once again. Bobby loved that boy but the fool couldn't even allow himself to be happy in Heaven.

* * *

**Jack and Cas**

Cas was with Jack. He was so proud of Jack. 

When Jack burst into The Empty and woke Cas up he made everything so bright. The brightness made The Empty receded into a far corner of his domain and did not interfere. Jack took Cas's hand and pulled him out of the enveloping black ooze.

But he did more than that. He pulled Cas into him. Cas merged with Jack. In the merging he saw what happened on Earth in his absence. He saw the final showdown with Chuck. He saw and felt as Jack absorbed Chuck and in doing so absorbed Amara. He saw Dean. He saw his face full of wonder as Jack did the impossible. Jack returned everyone to Earth. He saw the sadness creep into Dean's eyes as Jack walked away and disappeared. Cas knew what the sadness meant, another person that Dean loved leaving him.

Seeing Dean in those moments was hard. As he merged with Jack, he felt the pull to reach out to Dean, to return to him. To comfort him. He knew the hunter would not let him. He knew Dean would say that he is fine.

Jack could feel what Cas felt. He felt the love, the longing. But that is why Jack needed Cas. He needed to learn and he needed to learn quickly. He had only lived on the Earth a short time but in that time he loved so much about humanity but understood so little. He did not want to repeat Chuck's mistakes. He needed Cas's guidance and knowledge. It could have been any angel. Jack trusted Cas. He knew what Cas loved, he knew who Cas loved.

Jack walked out of The Empty with Cas tucked away inside him He left everything and everyone else to their sleep. As he left he called out to The Empty.

“Hello, I'm Jack. Sorry for the intrusion. I need my father. We have a lot of work to do. I will let you return to your sleep.”

Cas let Jack know that they should just leave. The Empty was not an entity to adhere to pleasantries.

Jack brought Cas back to Heaven. He released Cas from their merged state. During the merge he had learned and experienced everything that Cas had ever experienced over his millenniums. 

Cas now stood in front of Jack, a  multi-dimensional wavelength of celestial intent the size of the Empire State Building. 

"This won't do" Jack said and with a touch of Jack's hand Cas reverted to his Jimmy Novak vessel image.

“I've grown used to this appearance. I think you should keep it.” Jack said with a tilt of his head and a crooked grin.

Cas felt the same. He had grown to think of himself as this image of himself. But there was something different, Jack had returned Cas's wings. 

Cas unfurled his large black wings, totally visible now that he was back in heaven. He stretched them and they shimmered iridescently with blues and greens under the lights of heaven. He folded them and they disappeared.

“Thank you Jack. Should we return to the Winchesters?”

“No Cas, I have other work for us. The world is safe. The Winchesters can deal with whatever monster of the week that arises. There are no more apocalypses, no more world ending deities.”

Jack looked at Cas. He saw his disappointment but explained his plan. 

“When I was in Heaven, looking for my mother I had an idea. Why are we keeping souls in individual worlds reliving their good memories on endless repeat. Why not give them what they deserve, a new life with everyone they have ever loved.”

Cas liked that idea. He hated the idea of Dean someday locked away in a room with a silver plate indicating his name. He thought Dean would hate it as well. 

Together with Jack and the remaining angels they recreated Heaven in Jack's image. When needed Cas gave suggestions. 

Humans like bars and hamburger restaurants. 

Humans sometimes associate bad smells with good memories. 

Once complete it was a mirror of Earth. Heaven would give each soul in its care whatever they wanted or needed. It was perfect.

* * *

**Dean Drives and Thinks**

Dean drove down a nameless road. He did not really want to be anywhere and heaven complied. Nothing looked familiar and at the same time looked like every other rural road Dean had ever driven down. No other cars were on the road. No birds in the sky. He was alone. He supposed that was because he really did not want to see anyone yet. He needed to think about his feelings, something that he was not usually willing to do.

Bobby said that Heaven could be whatever he needed, wished, or dreamed. The problem was that Dean did not know what that was. He always had monsters to hunt, people to save, or something evil hanging over his head. He never really thought about what he wanted. 

He once thought he wanted a normal life. He had tried it with Lisa and Ben. It was nice, for a while. But if he was being truthful he had thoughts of leaving long before Sam had showed back up in his life. 

What was wrong with him? Lisa and Ben were as good as it was going to get. That was the life that everyone wanted. He had a steady job, a beautiful partner, and a great kid. What more could he want? 

But that was it, he wanted more. He was restless.

He could see the toll that his restless nature was having on Lisa and Ben. When Sam came back it was a relief, not just for him but for Lisa as well. It was a way out for both of them. He loved Lisa but he was not in love with Lisa. He was not in love with the life he had with her and Ben. He needed more.

He knew he was toxic, his lifestyle dangerous. Everything he touched decayed. Everyone he loved died. Despite this he stayed in Lisa and Ben's life because he was not a man to walk out. He had a responsibility to them. 

But he should have left, broke ties completely. He saw that in retrospect. But he kept his foot in the door, he returned and it almost killed them both.

He had Cas wipe Lisa and Ben's memories. No more going back, no more safe port to return to in a storm. Better for them, better for himself. He knew the life he had to live and it did not involve happiness or comfort.

His thoughts then shifted to his father. Dean always felt he needed to be unemotional with John. His father did not raise him to share or have chick flick moments. With Sam he was the protector. He had to be strong. He had to be stoic. He was trained from a young age to take all his emotions and bury them deep.

It was not until he met Cas that he allowed himself to be vulnerable. Cas did not tolerate his self deprecating bullshit. Cas did not see him as weak or broken no matter what Dean told him. Cas kicked his ass when it needed kicking and hugged him when he needed comfort. 

Castiel, Angel of the Lord who had fought with him, bled for him, fell for him, and died for him. Castiel, confessed his love to him. Dean thought he had always known how Cas felt about him. He just never allowed himself to process it. Like everything else emotional he took that knowledge and buried it. 

He also knew that he and Cas caught each other's eyes more than necessary and held each other's gaze longer than normal.  Eyefucking is what Crowley had called it. They stood closer together than most despite Dean's half hearted requests for personal space. When they walked together the backs of their hands often brushed together. Dean would be lying if he said he never thought of just grabbing the angel's hand and holding it. 

He felt better when Cas was around. He felt more at peace. 

With all these thoughts of Cas he turned and looked at the passenger seat. He half expected the angel to appear there. Is that what he wanted? Is that what he needed? Obviously, if he didn't know heaven was not going to answer the question for him. The seat remained empty.

He continued to think about Cas. His best friend. After Sam there was no one that he was closer to. In a lot of ways he was closer to the angel than his brother. He could talk to Cas in a way that he couldn't talk to Sam. He could be more open. Maybe that was because so many of Dean's exchanges with Cas were in the form of silent prayers. It was easier to express your feelings when you didn't have to say them aloud.

Dean thought about Cas's sacrifice to save him from Billy. He thought about The Empty engulfing him and pulling him away. He thought about Cas's last words. He thought about Cas's love confession. 

Cas loved him. From the look in Cas's eyes Dean knew that did not mean he loved him like a brother. Dean was Cas's true happiness. Dean never got the chance to respond. How would he have responded if Billy had not been pounding on the door and The Empty wasn't creeping up behind him. 

“Damn it Cas. Why in the world would you sacrifice yourself like that for me?” Dean shouted angrily.

“Pot calling the kettle black” came a familiar voice with a Cajun drawl.

* * *

**Cas Feels Dean Enter Heaven**

Cas felt it when Dean entered heaven. It was like a piece of himself being returned and he was being made whole. Cas looked at Jack and knew that Jack felt Dean's presence as well.

“You can't go to him,” Jack said sadly. “He has to choose you. You cannot invade his heaven uninvited.” As you once told me, Dean feels things more acutely than most humans. You need to give him time to work through his feelings. With time he may allow himself to open up. He may allow himself to be loved.”

Cas knew that Jack was correct. While Cas's true happiness was Dean. Just acknowledging his love aloud caused a happiness inside him large enough to awaken The Empty.

But Cas was perpetually confused by the eldest Winchester. Cas could look at Sam and know exactly what Sam was feeling. He could practically broadcasted his thoughts. Sam was an open book.

Dean was closed. He hid his emotions. He buried them under so much trauma and angst. 

Cas sometimes watched Dean sleep, invisible to everyone. He knew that Dean felt this was creepy but it was the only time Cas felt he was really seeing Dean. In his sleep Dean was unguarded. He clung onto whatever was closest, a pillow or blanket or clothing. He clung to these items as if reaching for a lifeline. 

Cas would sit on the chair in Dean's room in the bunker. At one point he had himself convinced that the hunter had placed the chair in the room for him. That Dean did not want to be alone and this was his way of letting Cas know. When a second nightstand appeared in Dean's room Cas almost accepted it as an invitation to watch Dean from a closer vantage point. An invitation to share Dean's bed. But something stopped him. And before long the nightstand disappeared.

Jack saw that Cas was lost in memories and interrupted. “You know I have Chuck's memories, or at least a blueprint of Chuck's mind. I know about Chuck's plans, all of his plot twists. I know why Chuck had you pull Dean's soul out of Hell.”

Cas looked at Jack. “Everyone felt it should have been Michael.”

“It was always you, in every version. It had to be you. When you gripped Dean’s soul and pulled it out of hell. When you rebuilt his mortal body. You bonded. Your grace became part of Dean's soul and Dean's soul became part of your grace. You can no more stay apart than a man can live without air.”

Cas looked perplexed at the revelation.

“Chuck knew it would happen, knew Dean's soul would reach out to you and your grace would reach back. Why do you think he kept bringing you back to life? You were part of his endgame. What story of blood and sacrifice is complete without lost love? Chuck kept bringing you back expecting you and Dean to admit your feelings to one another. Of course this was so he could rip you apart in his finale. That was Chuck's plan. His final play in breaking Dean Winchester’s spirit, lost love. Of course Chuck underestimated Dean’s stubbornness as he underestimated most things about the Winchesters.”

Jack continued. “Chuck always knew his endgame, how the story was supposed to evolve and grow. But you two were so stubborn. Two halves of the same whole. You two never admitted your feelings. Always kept them just below the surface. Chuck sent hints. He pushed you two together repeatedly. But neither of you would admit it. At least until you, Cas, saw no other option to save the man you loved.”

“Dean feels the same?” Cas asked with a downcast gaze.

“Yes. But Dean has spent his lifetime denying his feelings and trying to live up to the image of a man he thought his father wanted to be.” 

Jack reached over and pulled his father into a hug. He could see Cas’s thoughts racing around in his head. Jack released Cas from the embrace and held him at arm's length. “Now we wait. We wait for the most stubborn man in existence to come to the truth of what he really wants. Be patient.”

“You know, you are really wise for a three year old.” Cas quipped.

“Well when you absorb two eon old deities you learn a few things.” Jack replied totally matter of factly.

Cas laughed despite himself. 

* * *

**Benny**

“Hey Brother.” 

Dean stared at the large Cajun vampire sitting in the passenger seat.

“Is that really you Benny?”

“Well I’m too damn handsome to be the Easter Bunny.”

"Benny how are you here? How are you in heaven? Man, it's good to see ya but last time I was in purgatory they told me you were ripped apart by your own kind." 

"Yeah, I was. The vampires did not take kindly when I returned." Benny paused a moment before continuing. “Remember your angel asking what happens when you murder a monster in monster heaven?"

Dean nodded and looked at Benny waiting for the answer. 

"Well Brother, once you take away the fangs I am just a human soul. Dying in purgatory striped the monster and the fangs leaving my soul. It was weighed the same as every other human soul and I ended up here, helping your sorry ass once again."

Dean thought about it. Not everything in purgatory was once human. Of course vampires and werewolves had human souls. That meant he might see Garth again one day. He stopped and looked up at his loyal friend. He was glad Benny was here.

The vampire looked out through the windshield. “Is this where you want to be? Your happy place? Driving down an endless road with a former vampire? Where is your Crazy Aunt? I expected you two would be joined at the hip.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” asked Dean with a spark of annoyance in his voice.

“Come on Brother. The way that you tore apart Purgatory looking for him. The lost puppy dog you turned into when we returned to earth without him. You have it bad. Or am I wrong. Are you over him?” Benny questioned with a wicked smirk. “Who you love makes no nevermind to me. Hell, I hit on you but you never noticed. I didn’t stand a chance. You only had eyes for your pretty boy angel.”

Dean couldn’t look at Benny.

Benny could take a hint and said “Well if you're not needin' me I’ll be off. I love you Brother but it looks to me like you have some soul searchin' to do.”

With those words Benny was gone. 

* * *

**Dean's Prayer**

Dean continued to drive. Thinking. Did he love Cas? Was he in love with the angel? He knew he needed him. He wanted him close. He knew he was miserable whenever Cas was away. He knew he cried like a baby when Cas was pulled into The Empty. 

He stopped the car. It was now nighttime out. He was unsure how much time passed. It seemed every time he woke from his thoughts the light had changed from day to night, dawn to dusk. Had he been in Heaven minutes, hours, days, years? Bobby had said that time passed differently in Heaven.

Dean took a deep breath and began to speak from his heart.

“Cas, I don't know if you can hear me. You are my best friend. You are more than that. I just watched you be taken by The Empty after you told me you loved me. It was never good about admitting how I felt. I don't know why I can't say how I feel. It's so much easier to just bury my emotions. How I keep you at arm's length. I couldn’t stop myself no matter how much I wanted to. I love you, of course I love you. I am sorry it took me so long to say it. I hope you can hear me.”

Dean squeezed his eyes shut against the tears.

“I love you Cas.” 

Dean stood up and looked around. No one. Nothing. He returned to the Impala and positioned himself behind the steering wheel. He gripped the steering wheel tightly enough to make his hands hurt. It was too late, he had waited too long. 

He moved his hands to the ignition when he felt a small breeze and heard a flutter of wings.

“Hello Dean.” came the familiar deep voice.

Dean looked at the angel hardly believing he was there.

“Cas, I” stammered Dean.

“You don't have to say it again. I heard your prayer.” Cas said as he stared at Dean so intently that Dean could feel it on his skin.

“Cas, I want to say it. I need to say it. I love you. I don’t want to be without you. I need you.” Dean sputtered out before he could think about it too long and change his mind about exposing his feelings.

Cas leaned over and placed his hand on Dean's cheek. He softly caressed the tears away. “I love you Dean.” His face was inches away from Dean. He stared into Dean's beautiful green eyes and gently kissed his lips. No more than a brush, a whisper of a kiss.

Dean sighed. He was tempted to pull away. To run away. But he stayed. This was heaven. It asked him what he wanted and he wanted Cas. No more hiding.

Cas pulled away. Dean found he actually missed the heat radiating off the angel.

Cas smiled at Dean and said in a soft voice, “I knew our story was not over.”

Dean drove but this time he had a destination. He was driving to the bunker. It was familiar and a comfortable place to talk.

Cas recognizing where they were heading offered to fly them. The Impala would reappear wherever Dean needed it.

“You have your wings back?”

“Let me show you.” was Cas's replied.

Dean pulled over and he and Cas got out of the car. Cas walked a few feet ahead of Dean and unfurled his wings. Dean always knew that Cas had wings, he had seen them in shadow but this was a whole new experience. Cas unfurled his wings and held them aloft. They were huge, black, and the most beautiful thing that Dean had ever seen. 

* * *

**Wings**

“How come I can see your wings Cas?” Dean asked with an air of wonder in his voice. He had caught himself staring but couldn't pull his eyes away. 

“My wings are an extension of my grace. When Jack pulled me out of The Empty he returned my form and my wings. Jack has only known me in the Jimmy Novak vessel. So he returned me to that form.”

“But why can I see them now?”

Cas looked sad for a moment. “Because you are dead Dean. You no longer have a physical body that can be damaged by my true form.”

“But I feel myself. I feel my skin. I feel the movement of the air in my hair. I felt your lips.” Dean was processing it all. He had actually forgotten for a moment that he died. That he had asked Sammy to let him go.

“You have always existed with a body so in heaven you have a body. I look at you and see my Dean. You are beautiful. But I have always been able to see more than your body. I can see you. I have loved you mind, body, and soul.” He wanted Dean to understand he loved so much more than his physical attributes.

For some reason that is what finally resonated with Dean. Cas loved him. Yes, Cas thought Dean was beautiful but it was so much more than physical beauty. Cas wanted to touch him. He could see that in the angel’s eyes, the want and desire. This love was his if he wanted it, if Dean allowed it. 

Cas looked at Dean, allowing him time to process his emotions. So many people and monsters had harmed Dean in his life. His body and spirit had been punished and abused in every way possible. He had literally been ripped to shreds. Dean's coping mechanism was to push the pain down and store it away in the recesses of his mind. Cas wanted to take all the pain away.

“Can I touch them?” Dean asked surprising Cas.

“If you want to.” Cas answered.

Dean crossed the few feet between them and touched the feathers nearest Cas's shoulder. They were soft and quivered at his touch. Something about that quiver, the vulnerability of it, affected Dean and sent a vibration down through his body. He released the feather from between his fingers and reached for Cas's face. He stroked his cheek. He felt stubble and warmth. He looked into those blue eyes and said “Tell me again that you love me.”

Cas pulled Dean into an embrace and breathed into his ear the words that Dean needed to hear. The words he needed to say. The words that sang in his heart, “I love you Dean Winchester.”

In a fraction of a second, almost faster than Dean could perceive, Cas's wings wrapped around them. They were soft and warm and he felt safe. Cas's face was still near his ear and he could feel him sigh in relief. It sent shivers down his spines and raised goosebumps on his arm. How was it fucking possible that he had not reached out for this embrace sooner?

As the wings were pulled back Dean saw that they were in the kitchen of the bunker.

* * *

**First Time**

Cas longed to touch this beautiful man in front of him. But he could be patient. It took him 12 years to tell the hunter he loved him.

Cas raises a hand and extends it toward Dean’s check. He looks for permission in the hunter’s face. Dean does not pull away, rather he leans into the angel's extended hand. Castiel softly runs his fingers down Dean's freckled cheek. In that touch he transfers memory. He transfers his years of loving and longing. He transfers his hopes and dreams. He transfers everything that Jack told Castiel about their shared bond and Chuck’s plan.

Castiel steps back, waiting. It takes a moment for Dean to process the information that Cas has shared. More than that it takes him time to digest all the emotions and longing that Cas has shared with him. It is almost overwhelming as his knees start to buckle before he catches himself against the counter. It almost is too much for his brain to process. 

"Wait, just hold on a minute." Dean says as the revelation dawns on him. "You have been in love with me this whole time?"

Dean crosses the small distance to Castiel. They are inches apart, noses almost touching but Cas is not looking at him.

Cas remains silent, unsure how to proceed. Dean always used a joke to defuse tension. So in a whisper Cas says "Dean, your personal space." 

"Oh no, you answer the question. Have been in love with me this whole time? Since you first pulled me out of hell."

Cas raised his gaze. Past Deans stubbled chin. Up past his perfect lips. Past his sun freckled cheeks. And finally he looked into Dean's green eyes. "Yes, I have loved you since I first touched your soul in hell and felt it reach back and touch me."

Cas sees the intensity of Dean's stare soften. He feels a pull at his coat lapels as Dean grips them in his fists. 

Dean closes his eyes and touches his lips to Castiel’s lips and plants a soft kiss. He pulls back slightly and rests his forehead on Cas's forehead. His breath ghosting over Cas's lips as he speaks. "I don't know how to do this Cas but I can feel something inside me reaching out for you."

Cas, unable to wait another 12 years, takes the lead. She spun Dean around and presses him up against the wall. "It is love Dean. Love cannot be explained, it can only be experienced and shared." With those words still hanging in the air he pressed his lips against Dean’s perfect soft lips. He wondered how such a hard man had such soft lips. 

This was no longer the tentative kiss of just prior. It was hard and filled with the hunger of many repressed years. He brushed his tongue against Dean's lips and his heart leapt for joy when Dean's lips parted. He pressed his tongue into that soft mouth and felt Dean meet him with eagerness. 

Dean groaned softly as his hands clenched into several layers of fabric, trench coat, suit jacket and dress shirt. He silently damned Cas's never changing uniform. He heard the flutter of feathers and was momentarily disappointed that his eyes were closed and he missed seeing those magnificent wings. 

They are in Dean’s bedroom. 

Cas takes Dean's hand and lowers him onto the bed and begins removing Dean's clothing. He looks at Dean for approval. Dean does not break eye contact. Cas, taking that as consent, removes the hunter's shirt. Dean sits up to allow the shirt's passage over his head. It strikes Cas that this is the shirt in which Dean died. He is glad to remove it and toss it on the floor. He bends down and takes off the hunter’s scuffed boots and socks. Next he unbuckles and pulls out the belt. He feels Dean’s stomach tighten as he touches it with his knuckles as he unbuttoned his jeans. Dean lifts his hips to allow their removal. 

Cas takes a moment to look at the perfection laying in front of him and starts removing his own clothing, never breaking eye contact. Naked now Cas looks for any sign that this has progressed beyond Dean's limits. The hunter licks his lips. They both remain silent as Cas lowers himself on top of Dean and relishes the pleasure of their hot bare skin touching. 

Dean breaks the silence first. "I've never done this before."

"If you want me to stop I will."

"It's not that I don't want to do  _ this _ . I do want you."

Cas kisses Dean softly. "I'll be gentle." Cas kisses Dean's neck and ear. He gently strokes his chest. Dean is perfectly still, like a deer in the headlights for a moment. Cas hears a low moan as he trails his hand over Dean's skin, caressing down his stomach. The hunter reaches out to the angel and pulls him into a kiss that starts at the neck and works its way up to the angel's mouth where it becomes deep and wet. 

Cas breaks the kiss and puts two fingers in his own mouth. He reaches down, never taking his eyes off Dean's face, and separates his butt cheeks with his fingers. He finds Dean's hole and starts to massage. Using a bit of his grace as lubricant he uses one finger to gently open Dean. He waits and stares into the hunter's wide eyes. The hunter stares back with need and nods. He inserts a second finger and curls them slightly.

"Son of a bitch." Dean breathes out in a quick rasp. 

Cas stops. "Did I hurt you?

"No, Cas please . . . do that again,"

Cas complies several times. Curling and uncurling his fingers, pressing against that spot that is bringing Dean pleasure. He then inserted a third finger. 

Cas feels that he is losing control as he looks at the love of his life under him, the hunter's eyes closed and soft moans escaping his parted lips. 

"Dean, I can't . . . I need to be inside you. I need to feel you."

Dean looks at his angel. His angel, he hears the thought in his head and knows it is true. This is his angel 

"It's okay, I'm ready." 

Using all the control he can muster Cas asks again for permission as he begins to line himself up.

Dean pulled up his knees and raised his hips in a non-verbal response. 

Cas had never seen anything more beautiful than Dean on the bed waiting for him. Cas pushes himself inside the man he has loved for so long. Loved him before he even had a physical form to love. He gives Dean time to adjust and then pushes a little deeper. 

Dean hears a low growl of pleasure escape his own lips as Cas pushes deeper. He pulls Cas down into a desperate kiss. He feels open and vulnerable. He feels safe and loved. He wraps his legs around the angel's hips trapping him. He will not let him go again. There will be no more separations, no more sacrifices, no more death. He juts his hips trying to increase the pleasure he is feeling. 

This is the first time they will make love but it is full of so much need. This overwhelming need causes Cas to increase the pace of his thrusts, pushing harder and deeper into Dean. He almost comes undone as he hears Dean moan and growl with pleasure. Cas grips Dean's engorged dripping dick and starts stroking it in unison with his thrusts. 

Dean sees stars as he reaches climax. He groans out "Castiel". 

Semen spills over the angel's hand, warm and sticky. Hearing Dean being driven by pleasure to use his full name causes Cas to reach his limit. 

"Dean, I have to . . . may I . . . inside you?’

Dean looked at the angel, his angel. He knew that even in this desperate and undone state the angel would stop if he told him to. Knew without a doubt in his mind that Cas would always put him first. Not only did he want this, he wanted to give this to Cas.

"Fuck, yes Cas. Do it." was the eager response.

Cas opens his eyes to see Dean watching him, enthralled. He continues thrusting as his orgasim overtakes him. After the tremors have subsided he pulls out slowly.

Cas collapses next to Dean on the bed. Dean his love, Dean his lover. With a thought they are both clean and he pulls Dean onto his side and makes him the little spoon. He nuzzles Dean's neck and asks "Are you alright?".

"I'm awesome. Are you telling me we could have been doing that for the past 12 years. "

* * *

As Cas watched Dean drift off to sleep he held him close to his chest, just as he had once cradled his hell torn soul years before. 

"I love you Dean Winchester. "

"I love you too Castiel."

Intimacy comes easy after those declarations are uttered. It took so long to get to this point. Nothing more stood between them. 

Dean sleeps and Cas holds him.

The after life continues this way. Touching and exploring. Getting to know each other’s bodies. Cas had never known such happiness could exist. They do not leave the bunker. They know that no one will intrude, no one will come looking for them. They want to be alone so heaven leaves them alone. 

* * *

**Cuddling**

What Dean enjoys most about heaven is the cuddling. He loves being the little spoon and feeling safe and warm in his angels' arms. Technically neither of them need to sleep but laying in bed with their arms and legs entangled is bliss. 

Allowing his mind to return to his life on earth, Dean remembers how he often cuddled in the same bed with his brother when they were little. John would request a room with two beds, he took one and Sam and Dean shared the other. Dean would hold his baby brother close to his chest and they would fall asleep together, comforted. This went on until Dean was six. His father put an end to it. Dean had to be a man now. Had to start training. Men did not cuddle in bed with their baby brothers. Dean did not know if this was harder on him or two year old Sammy but even at that young age he was a good little soldier and did what his father told him. 

He cuddled with the women he hooked up with, or attempted it. It is hard to be comfortable enough to cuddle a stranger. Sex was action and movement but cuddling was intimacy. 

With Cas he allowed himself to be held. He allowed himself to let go and just be. 

Safe in Cas’s arms a decade goes by in what seems like minutes. Finally ready, Deans start to explore the heaven outside the bunker walls. 

* * *

**Time Passes**

Time was linear in heaven but it was not constant. It slipped by quickly one moment and slowed to a crawl at other times. It moved ever forward but not in a perceptible or predictable way. There was no way to gage the passage of time. When you wanted it to be day it was day. When you wanted the darkness it was night. 

Dean often visited people he had loved on earth. Sometimes with Cas but other times alone. 

He visited Charlie and was always met with a smile that caused Dean to involuntarily smile back. The woman's joy was contagious. He met Charlie’s mom and dad. Sometimes he just sat in the sun with his eyes closed as Charlie read to him. On one such sunny afternoon Miracle appeared sniffing at Dean's face. After a hug and a few pets the dog bounded off to its own version of heaven. 

Charlie and Cas were adorable together but nothing warmed his heart like watching Bobby and Cas interact. The mistrust of angels Bobby had on earth was gone. As Bobby put it he loved Cas for helping "his boy get his head out of his ass and allowing himself to be happy."

He visited the Roadhouse to see Jo, Ellen and Ash. Other hunters he remembered would sometimes show up. He would lean against the bar with Cas at his side. He would often feel Cas's hand slip into his back pocket as he ordered another beer. 

Karaoke night was his favorite. Cas would sit in the audience and watch him sing rock ballads with an adorable smile on his face.

It took a bit longer than expected but he eventually saw his parents. Cas suggested inviting them to the bunker rather than visiting them in their home. There was so much baggage to unpack and if Dean was honest he was still better at repressing than unpacking when it came to his childhood. 

There were awkward hugs and apologies. Forgiveness would take time. There was much talk of Sam. That was something they could all agree on, their happiness at Sam's normal life. 

Another thing they agreed on was Cas. Mary was easy and natural with Cas and Dean's relationships. She had known Cas on earth. She was not surprised at all by their relationship. 

"A mother's instincts." was her reply when Dean asked how she knew. She then laughed and snorted out her beer. "Come on Dean, everyone knew. Your  _ profound bound  _ was even written about in your Men of Letters file."

John's interactions with Cas were not as easy. It was obvious Cas did not like John. Cas could not forgive him for causing so much pain and self loathing in Dean. But they were cordial and swapped war stories, they were both warriors after all. 

Watching Cas’s posture and movements around John, Dean couldn't help but think that the angel was very purposefully letting John see his strength. Cas who usually hid his power from humans behind a perplexed look and a trench coat was letting John know he could pluck his soul up with his little finger and fling him to a remote corner of the universe if he got out of line. What surprised Dean the most was John seemed to respect that about the angel. 

Time passed as Dean waited for Sam. It was filled with friends and family and Cas. Always Cas. He was happy in heaven for a long time before he felt the first itches of discontent appeared.

Dean found himself pacing at times without realizing it. He would go for long drives. He felt like he was looking for something but whatever it was it never manifested.

* * *

**Breakfast**

Dean stands in front of the huge stove holding the frying pan over the burner. He is barefoot and wearing faded jeans and a blue flannel shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He has a faded yellow hand towel thrown over his shoulder. His shoulders are relaxed, something Cas hardly ever saw on Earth. 

Dean begins to sing, a whisper at first.

" _ Oh thinkin' about all our younger years _

_ There was only you and me _

_ We were young and wild and free _

_ Now nothing can take you away from me _

_ We've been down that road before _

_ But that's over now _

_ You keep me comin' back for more _ ."

As he reaches the chorus he raises the spatula and sings into it like a microphone. His voice belting it out.

" _ Baby you're all that I want _

_ When you're lyin' here in my arms _

_ I'm findin' it hard to believe _

_ We're in heaven _

_ And love is all that I need _

_ And I found it there in your heart _

_ Isn't too hard to see _

_ We're in heaven _ ."

Suddenly Dean becomes conscious of Cas standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He stops singing and smiles. 

What warms Cas's heart is the fact that there is not a hint of embarrassment at being caught singing. 

Dean crosses the room still humming Bryan Adam's  _ Heaven _ , a plate full of pancakes and bacon in his hand. 

"Mornin’ Sunshine. Breakfast is served." Dean says with a smile as he kisses Cas and then bites the angel’s bottom lip playfully . 

This is Cas's favorite version of Dean. There are many versions, even here in heaven. He wants to savor this one because he knows it won't last. Soon Dean’s restless nature will return with its pacing and unconscious fist clenching. 

Dean knows Cas does not need to eat. In fact neither of them need to eat any longer but Cas sits and says "Yum". The yum comes out as a growl as is more a reaction to the bite than the food. Cas eats the pancakes to humor Dean, hoping to prolong his good mood. 

* * *

**Restless**

Dean feels himself becoming increasingly restless. He is happy with Cas. Happy with their relationship. But it was like his fingers itched. Like a muscle memory. The clenching and clenching of his fists. He was in heaven for Jack's sake. He was in love and more impossibly, he was loved in return.

But you could only fish so many hours. You could only drive so many roads. And Baby never needed maintenance. Even the time Ash had pulled and hidden the spark plugs as a joke. But even without spark plugs the Impala had started and purred like a kitten. This was heaven after all and everything was  _ perfect _ .

What Dean was discovering that perfect was not his idea of heaven. He had Cas wing it down to earth a few times to check on Sam. But Sam was safe and happy. A wife, a kid, and a dog if you could imagine that. Sam would make it to heaven one day but Dean knew he would have to share him with people he loved. Sam's heaven would not be endlessly driving around in the Impala with Dean and Cas.

If he was being honest with himself, and that was something that he was learning to be since he entered heaven, he needed more. He needed to be, well he needed to be Dean Winchester. He needed to be hunting things and saving people. Heaven was a beautiful place but there was nothing that needed hunting, nothing that needed saving.

* * *

**Playing Rough**

Cas sat in the bunker library reading. Dean was not content to sit and had begun pacing. Cas knew that Dean was restless. He could see it in his body language. He did his best to distract him. He was getting really good at distracting Dean when he was in one of these moods. He looked up now as Dean paced back and forth.

As Dean passed in front of him he grabbed Dean's wrist. He quickly pulled Dean onto his lap and wrapped one arm around his waist holding him in place. Cas was stronger than Dean and had no problem holding him still. He forced Dean to look at him with his other hand. There was a flash of anger in Dean’s green eyes. He wanted a fight. You would assume that fighting and heaven were not compatible. But this was Dean's heaven. 

Cas allowed Dean to get up from his lap. This only seemed to make Dean angrier. Cas rose off the chair, opened his wings and pushed Dean into the nearest wall.

“What are you going to do, Hunter?” Cas said darkly. 

Dean tried to push the angel away, but it was a futile effort. Cas continued to push against Dean's chest with one arm. With the other arm he grabbed the hunter's chin and forced his chin up exposing his neck. Cas growled and bit Dean's neck hard enough to make a mark. He angled his eyes up to see if he was getting his desired reaction. There was still anger in those green eyes but now there was hunger as well. Cas bit harder. When he heard the growl raise from Dean' s throat he knew he had his undivided attention.

Dean reached up and grabbed Cas's face. He pulled him into a kiss. All the anger he was feeling was put into the kiss. It was all teeth and growls. Cas made the mistake of releasing some of the force he was using to hold the hunter up against the wall. Dean seized the opportunity and used his left leg to swipe out and take Cas's legs out from under him.

Cas went down with a crash onto the floor and Dean was on top of him in the blink of an eye.

“Now there is the bottom that I know and love.” Dean said through gritted teeth. “You like to bite, do you?”

Cas smiled and said “Bite me, hunter.”

“Oh, I will.” Dean leaned forward and nipped at Cas's lower lip. “But I peel my food before I eat it.” 

Holding Cas's arms above his head he started working on the buttons on the dress shirt. He silently sent a prayer of thanks up that Cas wasn't wearing the rumpled trench coat, backwards tie or suit coat. All that remained of the holy tax accountant uniform was the dress shirt and pants.

“I heard that. I thought you loved that trench coat.” Cas said feigning outrage.

“Oh I do. But quick access has its benefits.”

Once the shit was off he started working on the pants. He shifted his weight and pulled Cas’s hips up to allow for their removal. As he pulled the pants off he was rewarded by the sight of Cas's magnificent arousal.

“Do you want to remove my clothes or should I?” Dean asked with a wink.

Cas did not think there could be anything as wicked as the look on the hunter's face when he winked at him. With a thought all of Dean's clothes were gone. The hunter was glorious. He would never tire of looking at him, especially when Dean was aroused. 

Cas saw his opportunity and flipped Dean onto his back.

“Who is the bottom now hunter?”

He reached down and grabbed the tip of Dean's engorged member. Dean growled or groaned. It was hard to tell as the sounds the hunter made from pleasure and aggression were so similar.

Dean reached up and pulled the angelic face down into a violent kiss. He then flips the angel onto his back and pulls his ass into the air. He doesn't need to prep him. He knows he can't hurt the angel. 

He lines himself up and pushes himself into Cas. He pushes the full length of himself into the angel in one thrust. He pulls out until his head catches on Cas's rim. He drives back in, not giving Cas a chance to recover. Cas gasps and Dean grabs Cas's neck and pulls his face forward. 

He whispers in his ear. "I know what you are doing angel, trying to appease my need to fight."

Dean doesn't let go of Cas's head and drives into him again. He keeps up the rapid pace and drives himself in further, harder and faster. He hears Cas moan.

"Dean, let it all go. Release it all into me. I am your prey. You caught me."

Dean obeys. He grips the base of Cas's dick with his free hand to keep Cas from orgasiming. He is not ready to allow that. He is not ready for this to be over. He bites the angel's neck and growls. 

Cas submits. He knows Dean needs this. He wants to give it to him. The feral need of his hunter. Heaven is perfect for every soul that is allowed entrance but Dean is not every soul. Dean needs to hunt. 

Cas hears Dean's growls turn to moans. He feels the grip on his dick loosen and turn into a caress. He feels the bites on his neck turn into kisses. The angel feels his lover twitch inside him. The hunt is over. 

Dean remains inside Cas, softly thrusting. There is no urgency now as he strokes and kisses the angel until he feels the angel quiver and release below him. He looks up into his angels blue eyes.

"Thank you Cas. I love you."

* * *

Cas watched as Dean slept. As much as Cas loved their rough play he knew that sex was a temporary solution. Cas was using aggression in their sexual encounters to try and appease the hunter’s restlessness. But that was the issue. Dean was a hunter. Cas needed to talk with Jack.

* * *

**Discussing Dean**

Jack did not keep office hours. He was very hands off as a god. But he was always available in heaven when Cas needed or missed him.

“Hello Cas. I am so happy to see you.” Jack said with a smile and a raised open hand.

‘Jack, I have a problem.”

“I already know Cas. I have always known that Dean Winchester would not be content in Heaven for long. I am surprised he lasted 30 years. That is a testament to you and your love for him.” Jack sighed, “I was hoping that I could wait until his brother arrived in heaven but that doesn’t seem possible.”

“What are you planning Jack?” 

“I am going to give Dean a choice.”

* * *

**In Baby Again**

Dean is behind the wheel of Baby, just driving. He is not paying attention to the scenery. It is unimportant. He needs to feel the car's vibrations, it helps him think. He has everything. He can go anywhere and see anything. He has Baby. He has Cas. He has love and peace. Why was he so edgy? 

Maybe it is Sam. Maybe he needs his little brother. Jack and Cas both say he will be along soon. Cas has even gone down to Earth several times to check up on him and report back.

Sam left the life. He married and had a son. He got a normal boring job, a house, and a dog. Mortgage payments, Little League, and marital spats, Cas has filled him in on everything. When Sam's son was born and they named him Dean Cas brought back champagne. 

He knew Cas was trying so hard. Trying to keep him content. The playful rough sexual encounter of earlier was proof of that. Cas could overpower Dean easily but he knew Dean needs to be the hunter. Needed to be dominant. He loved his angel for it.

"Hello Dean."

Dean was startled out of his thoughts by Jack appearing in the passenger seat.

"Jack, how are you doing kid?" Dean asked with a smile. It was still impossible for Dean to see Jack as anything other than a child. He knew who he was, what he was capable of doing, but he would always be the sweet boy that he raised with Cas and Sam. 

"Dean, we need to talk." Jack's brow was furrowed and he looked seriously at Dean.

"Sure, what's up?"

"You are unhappy." Jack said with concern.

"Of course I'm happy. This is heaven. I'm fine."

"No, you are unhappy. Cas can feel it. I can feel it." 

"I'm fine. You and Cas did a wonderful job on heaven. It's perfect. Or at least it will be once Sammy gets here." 

Dean had a smile plastered on his face that did not reach his eyes.

"Dean, I want you to be happy and I think I know how to make that happen."

"You're not gonna bring me back to life are you? I don't think that would be a good idea. It would mess up Sam's life."

"Yes and no. My plan was to wait until Sam was here as well. My plan was always to make you both guardians. The earth needs the Winchesters. It will always need you. But you are unhappy and Sam's life has taken a different path."

Dean listened with concern. He had worried that while he was sure Sam would be happy to see him when he finally arrived in heaven, that his life had grown beyond his brother. He had people he loved that had no connection to Dean or the life they led together. Sam's heaven would include Dean but it would be much bigger than that. They would not be in the bunker together or endlessly driving around in the Impala.

"I want to make you an angel."

That certainly got Dean's attention. 

"Wh. . . What? An angel, as in angel of the lord?"

"Well angel of Jack, or angel of heaven if you prefer." Jack replied with a toothy grin.

"How would that even work?"

"You would keep your human form and your soul but you would also be infused with grace. You would be an angel but a new breed of angel. You would be a guardian of earth. You could come and go between heaven and earth. You could hunt monsters and save people. You will help make the earth safe. You and Castiel. A garrison of two." 

You could tell that Jack was proud of his idea. His smile was beaming. 

"Does Cas know about this?"

"Yes. I told him."

"And what about Sam?"

"He will be given the offer, in time, but I do not know if he will accept. You can still be the one to greet him in heaven when he arrives. You will be able to come and go between the two planes as you wish."

"Will I still be able to taste food? I don't want that taste every molecule crap."

"That can be arranged." Jack laughed.

"And I will still be me."

"Yes, of course."

"Let's do this."

Dean pulled over the Impala. Got out and Jack followed him. 

“What do I have to do?”

Jack put a hand on each side of Dean's face. Dean saw a white light and felt a warm heat that radiated through his body. Then Jack took a step back. 

"That's it? I don't feel any different."

Jack laughed. "Wait for it."

Dean felt a heaviness on his back. He looked over his shoulder and saw a huge brown freckled wing. He flexed and the wings unfurled. His wings were dark brown and freckled on top and decreased in pigment until they were white at the tips. 

"You are a new breed of Angel, created in my image. You have a human soul and angelic grace. You will be a protector of the people of earth." Jack said more serious and stoic than Dean had ever heard him before.

"Can I name them? I mean angels types have names. Cas is a Seraph, Gabe was an Archangel, I wanna be a Zeppelin." 

"A Zeppelin?" Jack asked with a slight tilt of his head. The tilt that always reminded Dean so much of Cas. 

"Yeah, because Zeppelin is awesome. " 

"I was wondering what your wings would look like. They look like a barn owl's, perfect." Cas walked up to Dean and placed a hand on his cheek. 

"Where did you come from?" Dean asked. Dean could feel Cas's touch throughout his body. He could feel it through every feather of his wings. 

"I did not want to unfairly influence you. I wanted you to make up your own mind. I am so happy with your choice. Are you happy?"

"Can we go on a hunt? Can we go to earth?" Was Dean’s enthusiastic response. 

* * *

**Hunting**

The next 10 years went by more slowly as Dean and Cas split their time between heaven and earth. 

Dean and Cas made the bunker on earth their base of operation. Sam had abandoned the bunker 30 years prior. Dean found the key hidden just where he left it. Being in the bunker, the real bunker, made Dean miss Sam more. 

Cas put his arm around Dean's shoulder and said. We can’t go see him. It would confuse and upset him. He is not the same baby brother you left behind. He is an old man. He’ll be in heaven soon. 

Dean and Cas hunted vampires, werewolves, and rarely demons. Rowena still held an iron grip on hell and allowed no possession or demonic deals. Hell hounds stayed in hell and a soul descended to hell only when deserved. 

If a demon was found it was returned to Rowena and she dealt with it swiftly and severely.

The first time they returned a rogue demon to hell Rowena looked at Dean and Cas knowingly. “Hello Boys, glad to see you fixed it.” Looking at Dean she added, “I am so glad that you discovered fifth base. After all, and that what's bi is bi.” 

Dean was happy and that made Cas even more happy. They were evenly matched in strength and in love. They hunted, they saved people, and Dean insisted they watch movies to be up to date on current culture and references. 

Dean does not need to shower, or change his clothes or eat, but he does. He tells Cas it helps balance his grace and his human soul. Cas tries these things as well. He discovers he really enjoys shower sex. 

Even on earth Cas loved touching Dean. He loves that he can touch him whenever he wants. He watched now as his hunter's shoulders tensed as they hunted a vampire as it stalked a young human female. He resisted the urge to reach out and touch him. Run his hands over his shoulders and down his back. There would be time for that after the hunt. 

After saving a young girl from a vampire, Dean and Cas returned to the bunker. Dean was smiling. He always smiled after a successful rescue. Cas could not keep himself from smiling in response. He loved that smile and the crinkles it caused around Dean’s eyes. Even now, transformed by grace, he was still his Dean. Cas kissed him and Dean returned the kiss with passion. Their wings were not visible on this plane but Cas felt his quiver anyways. No matter how many times they kissed Cas still felt it in every atom of his being. 

In unison they heard the announcement on Angel Radio. It was time to return, Sam Winchester was arriving in heaven soon. 

Once in heaven Dean changed into clothes he felt Sam would recognize. He folded his wings so that they would be hidden from his brother. There would be time for explanations later. He wanted to make Sam’s transition into the afterlife as easy as possible. Dean kisses Cas and climbs into Baby.

“I could go with you.” Cas said before Dean could turn the ignition. 

“I think I should do this alone. Sam and I have both changed so much, I do not want to overwhelm him.”

Dean drove Baby onto the bridge. It reminded him of the bridge in the town where he and Sam confronted the Horseman War. He got out and walked a few yards before leaning on the railing to enjoy the view as he waited. 

He felt his brother arrive. Felt his presence behind him and a smile spread across his face. It felt like his Sammy, his baby brother. 

"Hey Sammy."


End file.
